Over stressed this week.  Between school work and generally upset, I was super upset and couldn't even keep food down.  I vomited on the way to school on Tuesday morning.  Got myself checked out to make sure I didn't have an ulcer or other problems, and it was just stress.  And I got back on medical grounding.

Last night was one of the toughest I've been through.  I cut off all ties, with the exception of roller derby, with the ex.  No email, no google, no facebook, no phone number.  We had a long talk about what I am going through and that being around her is not good for me because just seeing her face opens up the flood gates.  And afterwards, even though it hurt and I still adore her and want to be her friend, I felt relieved.  I won't have her in my face and can start to tackle the issues one by one.

On top of that, the friend I was going to stay with had to tend to another friends emotional situation.  She had been cheated on and was a total mess.  In perspective, I don't have it that bad.  I am not as much of a mess as she is.  It made me a little relieved.  I was also kinda sad that I couldn't help her, cuz I wasn't in a state to do it. I was hoping to get some support from friends, but that didn't happen.  And that is alright.

Today I went to the beach on the way home.  A friend came to hang out and brought my dog.  It was actually relaxing.  The ocean is neosporin for my soul.  It was nice just to relax, not to think of things, and be calm.  Its not a fix to the things that upset me, but more of an escape.  One that I need.

Tomorrow I head back west.  Going to spend time with old friends and travel along the coast.  It is a much needed break and escape.  it will give me time to focus on me and getting back to the old me.  Or perhaps I don't mean old me.  That isn't the person I want to be.  The person that covered things up and just pushed through.  The person that didn't allow myself to hurt and be in pain when I need to.  By old me, I mean happy and cheerful and full of energy and wit.  I also need to be a new me.  One that is no longer hindered by events of the past.  One that looks at them and acknowledges that those things are not my fault.  That it is not due to me, but due to others.

That is all I have for now.  I've poured out everything in posts before, now its time to work on them.  But first, it is vacation time!